Batman vs The Mad Hatter's Purrfect Scheme
by Windrises
Summary: The Mad Hatter hires Catwoman to help him rob Bruce Wayne.


Notes: Batman is owned by DC Comics. This story is dedicated to Bob Kane, Bill Finger, and Adam West.

Batman finished capturing Black Mask with some mild help from Catwoman. Batman put handcuffs on Black Mask and said, "You're going to go to Arkham Asylum."

Black Mask replied, "Be reasonable Batman. I didn't do anything that wrong."

Batman said, "You sold a chemical that made thousands of people pass out long enough for you to rob them."

Black Mask replied, "That's tame by my standards. I wish that I had robbed millions of people."

Batman said, "Thank you for helping me out earlier."

Catwoman smiled and replied, "You're welcome." Catwoman started walking away, but Batman brought her back. She asked, "What's wrong?"

Batman said, "You robbed a few of the people that were passed out earlier. You have to go to Arkham Asylum too."

Catwoman angrily replied, "How dare you try to send me back there after all the help that I've given you." Catwoman threw smoke screen at Batman. Catwoman ran away while Batman was distracted by the smoke screen.

After Catwoman returned to her lair she got an invitation to go to the Mad Hatter's hideout. She said, "This offer makes me curious and if curiosity kills me I'll continue on with my other eight lives."

Meanwhile the Mad Hatter finished dusting his top hat. The Mad Hatter said, "This is the first time I've cleaned this all year. I have to look fancy for my future business partner."

A few minutes later Catwoman arrived at the Mad Hatter's hideout. A woman that was wearing a blonde wig and blue dress opened the door. The woman said, "Greetings Catwoman. I'm Alice. Well that's not my real name, but the Mad Hatter refuses to call me anything else."

The Mad Hatter was hanging around a giant tea table. He said, "Join my party."

Catwoman asked, "Why was I invited to your childish hideout?"

The Mad Hatter said, "I have a great offer for you. You keep wondering what it is, but I assure you that it's a delightfully mad idea."

Catwoman broke a tea cup in half and replied, "Just tell me the offer."

The Mad Hatter said, "Well due to yourself dressing like a cat you remind of the Cheshire Cat. I want you to play the Cheshire Cat in my future crimes."

Catwoman asked, "Why would I do something that absurd?"

The Mad Hatter said, "I'm going to become rich soon. If you help you'll get a big part of one of the biggest fortunes in Gotham."

Catwoman asked, "What's the plan?"

The Mad Hatter said, "My Alice actress has managed to make millionaire Bruce Wayne like her. They're scheduled to have a date at his mansion tonight. I need you to help me knock out Mr. Wayne and his butler as well as help me find the money. We could get millions of dollars."

Catwoman replied, "That's quite a catastic idea Mr. Hatter."

The Mad Hatter said, "I got an excellent outfit for you. It's like your regular costume, but this new costume fits in with my Alice in Wonderland theme a lot more." The Mad Hatter handed Catwoman a pink cat costume.

Catwoman replied, "I'll look mad wearing this, but I'll wear it."

A few hours later Bruce Wayne was getting ready for his date. Bruce said, "Getting crushes on criminals has been stressful. I'm grateful to have finally fallen for someone polite."

Alfred Pennyworth replied, "I think that you'll have a great time Master Wayne."

Bruce said, "After the date is over I'm going to do more detective work. I have to find the villains."

A few minutes later the fake Alice arrived at Bruce Wayne's mansion. Her real name was Jane and she had red hair instead of blonde hair. She knocked on the door. Bruce tap danced to the door and opened it. Bruce said, "Hi miss."

Jane asked, "Did you forget my name again?"

Bruce said, "I'm sorry. I'm not a detective so I tend to not remember the clues."

Jane laughed and replied, "Names aren't clues."

Bruce smiled and said, "I didn't know that, because I'm clueless."

Jane asked, "Is dinner ready?"

Bruce said, "It sure is." Bruce and Jane went to the kitchen while Bruce said, "Yesterday's fast food leftovers have been well freshened in the microwave. This is so much nicer than eating at a fancy restaurant. This way we get to enjoy the delight of high quality fast food in my marvelous mansion."

Jane asked, "Can you excuse me for a minute? I want to go look at your mansion's spectacular hallway."

Bruce replied, "Go ahead."

Jane said, "Thank you." Jane secretly opened the windows in the mansion so the Mad Hatter and Catwoman could get inside.

Jane returned to the kitchen while the Mad Hatter and Catwoman climbed inside of the mansion. Catwoman was wearing the pink cat costume. The Mad Hatter said, "Since you've had a great career of being a jewel thief I'm expecting you to find where Mr. Wayne's money is."

Catwoman replied, "I'm really sure that I'll find it."

Meanwhile Bruce said, "This fast food tastes awesome."

Jane replied, "I feel that I must admit you're quite a secretive person Mr. Wayne."

Bruce asked, "What do you mean?"

Jane said, "I keep sensing that there's more about you than just an goofy millionaire. I feel like you're more complex."

Bruce replied, "I'm not complex. I'm a goofball." Bruce put on a chicken costume and pranced around the kitchen to try to keep Jane from thinking he has secrets.

After Bruce's dance was over the Mad Hatter went into the kitchen and said, "Howdy Mr. Wayne."

Bruce nervously asked, "Why are you here Mr. Tetch?"

The Mad Hatter said, "Catwoman and I are going to steal all of your money."

Bruce stood up and kicked the Mad Hatter. Bruce grabbed the Mad Hatter and said, "Get out of here before I beat you up harder you mad robber."

The Mad Hatter replied, "You're a little too intense Bruce. You're not my cup of tea."

Bruce said, "You're not going to find out where my money is."

The Mad Hatter looked around saw the giant clock that secretly led to the Bat Cave. He asked, "Is there anything behind that giant clock thing?"

Bruce said, "Um no."

The Mad Hatter replied, "Your um proves that you're hiding something. I assume that you're hiding the money in there."

Bruce said, "Well you're never going to find out what's under there."

The Mad Hatter grabbed Jane and said, "If you don't grab the money from under the giant clock I'll get rid of your girlfriend."

Bruce replied, "Then I'll be back in a minute. Go wait in the kitchen and have some tea."

The Mad Hatter said, "Okay Mr. Wayne."

Bruce secretly went into the Bat Cave and got on his Batman costume. Batman ran up to the Mad Hatter and said, "You should surrender right now."

The Mad Hatter asked, "How did you know about this plan Batman?"

Batman said, "I was a good enough detective to figure it out. Catwoman and you are going to be sent to Arkham Asylum."

Jane asked, "Where's Bruce?"

Batman said, "He found a good hiding spot."

Jane replied, "He didn't find a hiding spot for me."

Batman said, "He feels guilty about that." Batman punched the Mad Hatter. The Mad Hatter kicked Batman into the living room. Batman grabbed a chair that was in the living room and threw it at the Mad Hatter.

The Mad Hatter replied, "You're very harsh Batman." The Mad Hatter looked around for something to hit Batman with. He saw something silver so he assumed it was a sword. However he found out that it was a silver necklace.

Batman said, "Don't harm that necklace Jervis. Mr. Wayne was going to give that to his girlfriend."

Jane looked at it and said, "It seems like he remembered that silver is my favorite color. He keeps claiming that he doesn't pay attention to other people. I knew that Bruce is more mature than he claims to be."

The Mad Hatter threw some couch cushions at Batman. Batman didn't get hurt that badly by them. Batman punched the Mad Hatter a few dozen feet away. The Mad Hatter crash landed to the hallway's floor and passed out.

Batman ran to a nearby room and saw that Catwoman was searching for Bruce Wayne's money. Batman said, "The evil plan has been cancelled by justice. Please surrender."

Catwoman replied, "I'm going to be the winner this time Batman."

Batman said, "I'm sorry, but that won't happen unless you stop being evil." Batman punched Catwoman across the room. She passed out.

A few minutes later Batman put handcuffs on the Mad Hatter and Catwoman. Jane said, "I probably deserve to get arrested too Batman."

Batman asked, "Why?"

Jane said, "I helped the Mad Hatter and Catwoman get in here. I was the Mad Hatter's sidekick. However you and Bruce's kindness has inspired me to stop working for the Mad Hatter."

Batman replied, "It's admirable of you to surrender like this." Batman put handcuffs on her and said, "I think your prison sentence will be short."

A few days later Bruce bailed Jane out of prison. Jane said, "Thank you Bruce. I assumed you would be mad at me for months."

Bruce replied, "I'm a calm goofball, not a mad hatter. Wanna go to tonight's dance? It takes places at my mansion."

Jane said, "Sounds lovely unless you plan on dancing like a chicken again."

Bruce replied, "I'm going to be the best chicken dancer ever." Jane rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile the Mad Hatter was at Arkham Asylum and was working on his next scheme. The Mad Hatter asked, "Does anybody want to play a character in my next Alice in Wonderland scheme?"

The Riddler said, "Riddle me this: Who's sometimes angry, but is always mad?" The Mad Hatter angrily looked at the Riddler.


End file.
